甦夢枕2008 1

內容簡介︰
   
不要以為我寫的是戰爭，其實就是家庭倫理劇。
   
咱第九團的口號︰對老婆低聲下氣，對老大五體投地，對敵人打得嗝屁，對收錢不遺余力！


怕老婆（非正文）





    回到景山，陰風寨，有月無星。

    門吱呀幾聲開了，很多黑衣人從內走出，往四周探探腦袋。。。。。。同道中人真多啊。他們貓著腰迅速跑到另一間房前，自信地用耳朵貼住牆根，沒動靜？再貼近點。。。。。。還是沒動靜？

    正要放棄之時。。。。。。終于有了！

    “錢袋呢？”女子凶狠的聲音出現。

    “送人了。”男子顯得很無辜。

    “別以為我不知道你和石青去了青樓！”

    石青的聲音在外面響起，“上校，我們真的沒去青樓！”

    “你住嘴！”很凶很殘暴。牆外立馬噤聲。

    “為了不至于讓你出門為難，我給你十顆銀珠，你又從石青那里掏了十四顆，現在一珠都沒剩下，你還說不是去了青樓？”

    “我真的沒有去啊，老婆。”

    “你去青樓也就罷了，還把我送你的錢袋也送給那些青樓女子，有你這麼薄情的人麼？”女子的聲音帶上了濃濃的哭腔，男子連忙安慰，“老婆，我是把錢袋送給一個賣花的小女孩了。”

    “連小女孩都不放過，我怎麼就認識你這樣一個禽獸的啊——”

    “老婆呀——”連川劇腔都帶上了，眾人再次鄙視。

    “你自己跪一晚上吧，我累了。。。。。。”

    牆外眾人︰沒戲听了。石青心想︰原來林上校也沒有想象中的那麼好啊。

    房中，衛政溫柔的給林冰按摩，用嘴貼近她的耳根，“老婆，我真的沒有出軌。”

    “證據？”林冰冷冷的聲音。

    “我出門前你不是在我那里劃了一個圈圈麼？我還留著呢。”

    “真的？”林冰表示懷疑。

    “不信你看。”衛政飛快的扒掉褲子，“沒騙你吧。”

    林冰臉色羞紅，“我才不要看呢。”卻還是飛快的瞥了一眼，居然真的還在。

    “老婆，根據家規第一百四十一條，隨意懷疑老公花心該怎麼懲罰？”衛政陰陰淫笑著。

    牆外眾人︰峰回路轉，老大雄起，快叫回去的兄弟們出來听上帝！

    林冰還要強詞奪理，“怎麼就不是你自己畫上去的？”

    “老婆你自己畫的都不記得麼？”衛政又背起家規，“根據家規第九十三條，有罪不認該怎麼懲罰？”

    “我不記得了！”林冰怯怯回答。

    “根據家規第一條，不記得家規該怎麼懲罰？”衛政笑得更加淫賤。

    林冰睜開眉下眼，咬碎口中牙，看他那副賤表情，怒從心中起，惡向膽邊生，用高八度聲音吼道，“我管你什麼家規，進了這房，老娘我就是家規！”

    牆外眾人︰真是高潮迭起啊。

    衛政初時還要掙扎，過了不久，才沮喪著道，“老婆——你永遠是對的！”

    牆外眾人︰偶們真的鄙視你。

    “老婆，不要這麼霸道嘛，我們夫妻兩要一致對外，和氣生財。”

    牆外眾人連忙捂著錢袋︰一致對外？和氣生財？

    房內忽然靜了。

    林冰緊緊摟住衛政，不知為什麼，她就是覺得他實在太優秀，稍微放手就會失去一般。林冰也不想表現的這麼霸道，可一見到衛政那樣疼愛自己的樣子，就要把心掩藏起來。

    衛政似乎感受到她的想法一般，“冰兒，不要多想，我永遠都不會對不起你！”

    林冰感動的點點頭，見佳人的樣子若有期待，他再也把持不住，照著紅唇痛吻下去。

    仿佛有一個世紀那樣漫長，林冰的眼角流出幸福的淚花。

    一切都是那麼駕輕就熟，身體的每一個部位都已經那麼熟悉。

    “不要，你還沒洗澡呢，那里那麼髒！啊——”容不得林冰拒絕，衛政就已經霸道的進入，春潮再次洶涌澎湃。

    牆外眾人︰貌似老大和上校走溫情派路線了。

    “老婆，轉過身子來，讓我從後面來！”衛政開始得意忘形，“老婆你的屁股真的好風騷啊。”

    “啪——砰！”巴掌和重物落地的聲音。

    牆外眾人搖搖頭︰已經恢復正常妻夫程序了。

    ——————————————

    隔天早上，衛政頂著半邊紅臉神奇的出現在了石青的房間中。

    “石青，《春宮圖》呢？”

    石青往後一滾，作出終極防御姿勢，“老大，你已經拿走了我的一半，另一半我是死也不會交出來的！”

    “你干嘛擺出這個樣子，我就借來看看而已。”

    石青甩出一個鬼才相信的神情，衛政從懷中掏出那本色情小說，“我們換著看兩天，成不？”

    石青還是擺出不信任的神情，衛政只好也只好拿出必殺技，“丫的，敬酒不吃你吃罰酒，別以為老子不知道你把書藏在哪里，今天就是搶我也要搶到手！”

    石青臉色大變，突然叫道，“林上——”衛政連忙捂住他的嘴，“你要死了，她來了我們兩個都活不成！”

    “還敢威脅我？我就一口咬定是你個人的變態行為就是了！”

    “丫的，連老子罵你的話都用上了，”衛政只好有諄諄善誘，“我就看一眼，不然你一相親，我就給女方說你是梓城內褲大盜！”

    “明明你才是內褲大盜！”

    “我有老婆了，怕什麼？反正你是內褲大盜的同伙！”衛政再次威脅。

    石青見過不要臉的，沒見過這麼不要臉的，無奈之下，只好從櫃子中的一個箱子里面取出一個盒子，然後小心翼翼的將包在那上面的十層紗布解了開來。。。。。。

    “春宮圖，真爽啊！”衛政鼻血狂噴中。。。。。。

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